Far From Perfection
This past Fall I celebrated FIVE YEARS in the Registrar's Office. 5. Wow. I wrote about how freaked out I was about that number a few months ago, and it still doesn't cease to surprise me. We had a party at work, complete with a carrot cake, a duffel bag, and a certificate of appreciation. Fun, fun.
As exciting as that anniversary was, there is a 5 year anniversary this month that is probably the biggest anniversary of all my anniversaries, hands down. 5 years ago this month I made the decision to attend the temple every week. That was a huge decision for me. I didn't have a car, and I only had a limited use recommend, meaning I could only do baptisms and confirmations, but I was determined to make the temple a priority in my life, and so it began, January 2013, in the middle of a blizzard.
A little over a year later, I would make the decision to go through the temple, and the following year I would become an ordinance worker. It's funny how life hangs on those tiny decisions. That one decision that stemmed off of the decision to not serve a mission, that had stemmed off of a bad break up.
A few weeks ago, as I was driving to work, I saw the 220 bus, and memories flashed through my head. I was reminded of right after I went through the temple, still no car, and having to coordinate with the bus schedule to get to the temple in time to do a session every week. I actually (if I'm being completely honest) would attend both during the week and Saturday mornings. Thankfully I had a roommate who worked at the temple during the week, and I could sometimes catch a ride home with her, and I had another friend who attended just as often, and could sometimes catch a ride with her. If not, it was on the bus and trax I would go. On Saturday's, if I was going alone, I would leave my house around 6:30AM to walk from 20th East down to the bus stop on 13th East to catch the 220 that would take me downtown. To get home, I would catch trax, head up to the U, and take the 21 home. I got really good at public transit. If I was lucky, I could be home by 1PM, and still have the rest of the day to do my grocery shopping and whatever else I needed to do.
Thankfully, when I moved, I bought a car, and the trips to the temple have gotten easier, and much quicker, in terms of travel time to and from. Maybe too easy. I have grown comfortable, having the luxury of setting the time aside for what I want - I have control, not the bus schedule, and therefore I sometimes cut my visits short, or do so begrudgingly, because I have so many other things to do in my day. Funny how sometimes those things that are supposed to help simplify our lives can actually cause problems for us.
Readers, you all know how much I love anniversaries - I love reflecting on where I've come from, and what I've done to get here. I love being able to see the progress I've made in my life. The decision to attend the temple weekly 5 years ago did not come easily. It was months of trying to figure out what needed to change in my life. The Prophet's voice kept echoing in my head that I needed to make the temple a priority, and so I did. Over the years I have written often of my love of the temple; of the impact it has made in my life, and how much "easier" life is with the perspective the temple brings.
I keep using the word "easy". That's not to say life is just a party all the time, and that I don't ever struggle. You've all read my blogs; you know my struggles and my bad days almost as well as I do. You all know my life isn't perfect, and I myself am FAR from perfection. However, as Elder Holland reminded us in the most recent General Conference, we aren't expected to be perfect right now. Eventually we will become perfect; this life is the time to prepare for that perfection, by trying our hardest.
I recently watched the new Star Wars movie, as well as had a Lord of the Rings marathon. In both series, I saw a constant theme as times got harder, and people fought against the odds to take down evil. The theme was HOPE. Even when it felt certain that the task would fail; that the odds were too great; that there were too many of the opposing forces working against them; they still clung to the hope that there was good in the world. That if they accomplished this impossible feat, life would be better.
The temple provides me that hope. It allows me to see past the impossible situation of today, and progress forward, with confidence that it will all work out! Hope allows for me to continue trying on things that I would have given up on years ago for all the failure I've experienced. At times I would go to the temple feeling a complete failure at life, and would leave with the hope that I could be better. When I say at times, I mean most times. I struggle with imperfections just like all of you, and yet the hope that I feel in the temple regarding the Lord's plan for me allows me to not dwell on those imperfections, and continue moving forward, despite my mortal anxiety tearing me apart.
As I wrote a few months ago, sometimes it takes years to see the fruits of our decisions. Sometimes we take that leap of faith and hope that it will all work out in a good way. I can look back at this decision I made 5 years ago to make the temple a priority in my life and see so many amazing blessings that have come because of it. I can see the almost 30 temples I have gotten to do work in, the people I have met, the confidence I have gained, the love I have felt for others, the hundreds of people whose work I have done, the peace, the hope, the spiritual promptings... the list goes on and on. I have had so many blessings come into my life because of that one decision I made 5 years ago, and yet, I know that more is to come.
I guess I just want to encourage you all to not give up when maybe the changes you make in your life don't pan out how you wanted them to. Maybe you struggle, or you keep trying and failing, and you just can't seem to catch a break; whatever it is, don't give up!We were sent here to struggle and fail. That's why Christ was provided - so that He could overcome our failures and allow us to return to our Heavenly Father and become perfect. I definitely did not see me here at this point in my life 5 years ago, and I am so glad I have the testimony and the love of the temple in my life, supporting me through all the ups and downs of the past 5 years. It truly is my home away from home. Thank you, Past Cassandra, for making a small decision that would shape the rest of your life. It has made all the difference.
As exciting as that anniversary was, there is a 5 year anniversary this month that is probably the biggest anniversary of all my anniversaries, hands down. 5 years ago this month I made the decision to attend the temple every week. That was a huge decision for me. I didn't have a car, and I only had a limited use recommend, meaning I could only do baptisms and confirmations, but I was determined to make the temple a priority in my life, and so it began, January 2013, in the middle of a blizzard.
A little over a year later, I would make the decision to go through the temple, and the following year I would become an ordinance worker. It's funny how life hangs on those tiny decisions. That one decision that stemmed off of the decision to not serve a mission, that had stemmed off of a bad break up.
Visiting my favorite temple last weekend with my little sister
A few weeks ago, as I was driving to work, I saw the 220 bus, and memories flashed through my head. I was reminded of right after I went through the temple, still no car, and having to coordinate with the bus schedule to get to the temple in time to do a session every week. I actually (if I'm being completely honest) would attend both during the week and Saturday mornings. Thankfully I had a roommate who worked at the temple during the week, and I could sometimes catch a ride home with her, and I had another friend who attended just as often, and could sometimes catch a ride with her. If not, it was on the bus and trax I would go. On Saturday's, if I was going alone, I would leave my house around 6:30AM to walk from 20th East down to the bus stop on 13th East to catch the 220 that would take me downtown. To get home, I would catch trax, head up to the U, and take the 21 home. I got really good at public transit. If I was lucky, I could be home by 1PM, and still have the rest of the day to do my grocery shopping and whatever else I needed to do.
Thankfully, when I moved, I bought a car, and the trips to the temple have gotten easier, and much quicker, in terms of travel time to and from. Maybe too easy. I have grown comfortable, having the luxury of setting the time aside for what I want - I have control, not the bus schedule, and therefore I sometimes cut my visits short, or do so begrudgingly, because I have so many other things to do in my day. Funny how sometimes those things that are supposed to help simplify our lives can actually cause problems for us.
Readers, you all know how much I love anniversaries - I love reflecting on where I've come from, and what I've done to get here. I love being able to see the progress I've made in my life. The decision to attend the temple weekly 5 years ago did not come easily. It was months of trying to figure out what needed to change in my life. The Prophet's voice kept echoing in my head that I needed to make the temple a priority, and so I did. Over the years I have written often of my love of the temple; of the impact it has made in my life, and how much "easier" life is with the perspective the temple brings.
I keep using the word "easy". That's not to say life is just a party all the time, and that I don't ever struggle. You've all read my blogs; you know my struggles and my bad days almost as well as I do. You all know my life isn't perfect, and I myself am FAR from perfection. However, as Elder Holland reminded us in the most recent General Conference, we aren't expected to be perfect right now. Eventually we will become perfect; this life is the time to prepare for that perfection, by trying our hardest.
I recently watched the new Star Wars movie, as well as had a Lord of the Rings marathon. In both series, I saw a constant theme as times got harder, and people fought against the odds to take down evil. The theme was HOPE. Even when it felt certain that the task would fail; that the odds were too great; that there were too many of the opposing forces working against them; they still clung to the hope that there was good in the world. That if they accomplished this impossible feat, life would be better.
The temple provides me that hope. It allows me to see past the impossible situation of today, and progress forward, with confidence that it will all work out! Hope allows for me to continue trying on things that I would have given up on years ago for all the failure I've experienced. At times I would go to the temple feeling a complete failure at life, and would leave with the hope that I could be better. When I say at times, I mean most times. I struggle with imperfections just like all of you, and yet the hope that I feel in the temple regarding the Lord's plan for me allows me to not dwell on those imperfections, and continue moving forward, despite my mortal anxiety tearing me apart.
As I wrote a few months ago, sometimes it takes years to see the fruits of our decisions. Sometimes we take that leap of faith and hope that it will all work out in a good way. I can look back at this decision I made 5 years ago to make the temple a priority in my life and see so many amazing blessings that have come because of it. I can see the almost 30 temples I have gotten to do work in, the people I have met, the confidence I have gained, the love I have felt for others, the hundreds of people whose work I have done, the peace, the hope, the spiritual promptings... the list goes on and on. I have had so many blessings come into my life because of that one decision I made 5 years ago, and yet, I know that more is to come.
I guess I just want to encourage you all to not give up when maybe the changes you make in your life don't pan out how you wanted them to. Maybe you struggle, or you keep trying and failing, and you just can't seem to catch a break; whatever it is, don't give up!We were sent here to struggle and fail. That's why Christ was provided - so that He could overcome our failures and allow us to return to our Heavenly Father and become perfect. I definitely did not see me here at this point in my life 5 years ago, and I am so glad I have the testimony and the love of the temple in my life, supporting me through all the ups and downs of the past 5 years. It truly is my home away from home. Thank you, Past Cassandra, for making a small decision that would shape the rest of your life. It has made all the difference.
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