God Doesn't Just Help Us Progress a Little Bit and Then Forget About Us

Hi. It's been a while. I apologize; life got really busy with law school and studying for the bar and trying to not fall apart too much during my first year as a lawyer....*sigh*.... but, recently I've been feeling like I needed to work harder on my testimony of Jesus Christ, and I started thinking about how much it helped my testimony to share spiritual experiences with everyone through this blog, so...I decided to dust off the pages and attempt to share some of those experiences again.

For those of you who don't know, I'm a prosecutor. Recently I was in a trial where the defendant was charged with 4 counts of criminal misdemeanor charges. Whenever I'm in trial I completely block out everyone else that is in the courtroom because my brain is so focused on getting all the elements of the crime proven beyond a reasonable doubt, objecting when the time is right, and having to argue against any objections made against my case. That's probably why I didn't notice that our 3 new interns were in the courtroom observing me until we took a lunch break. 

As the three interns started talking to me during our break, all excited about what they had observed and asking me questions about why I did something or why an objection was sustained, I started reflecting on my own time as a legal intern. One of the interns asked me about my closing later that day - how cool it was that I checked off each element as I went through the jury instructions during my first closing. I kinda laughed and thought about how I'd had that EXACT same conversation about 2 years ago after I watched my first jury trial as an intern with the City of Spokane. I remember that attorney telling me that's pretty typical to do a first closing like that. And now, as I've had several trials of my own at this point and witnessed several of my coworkers do trials, I've come to learn he was right; it is a very typical first closing. 

Very typical, very quick lesson on a first closing for a prosecutor in trial. But it was a lesson I had to learn, even though it was so simple. Even though now it seems so obvious and silly to NOT do my first closing like that; I still had to learn that skill.

Having these interns around has made me realize how far I have come since I first started out on this journey a little over 5 years ago - I literally knew nothing when I first started as a paralegal back in the summer of 2019, and now I'm in court on an almost daily basis, sometimes deferring to the court because I have no idea what to do, but more often than not making a case for why the court should do something a certain way. It has been incredible to see what God has been able to create with a willing heart. 

I'm reminded of a blog post I wrote back in the summer of 2017, right after I went to my first NBA Summer League (yeah, of COURSE I'm mentioning basketball. After this past season how could I NOT?!?) Here's a quote from that blog that I find sooo relevant to Present Cassandra's life (and not just cuz of the Jayson Tatum shoutout):

"As I was watching Jayson Tatum on the court, proving his worth to our team, I kept mentioning how 5 years from now when I'm wearing his jersey, I'll remember getting to see him play at Summer League his rookie year, and it made me think of Past Cassandra, and where she once was, 6 years ago, figuring out her life, and sloppily making mistakes, but pushing her hardest to prove that she was worth the fight. She was worth the long hours, the stressed out days, the rumors, the changing of friends, the off days; she was worth it. She wouldn't have become me if she had given up, or settled for mediocrity." ~ Life Gave Me My Own Summer League, July 2017

Let me just change a couple words to make this fit Present Cassandra's life:

"As I was watching Jayson Tatum on the court, proving his worth to our team, I kept mentioning how 5 years from now when I'm wearing his jersey, I'll remember getting to see him win his first Championship, and it made me think of Past Cassandra, and where she once was, 5 years ago, figuring out her life, and sloppily making mistakes, but pushing her hardest to prove that she was worth the fight. She was worth the long hours, the stressed out days, the anxiety, the falling apart in front of friends, the off days; she was worth it. She wouldn't have become me if she had given up, or settled for mediocrity." June 2024

Isn't it crazy how God doesn't just help us progress a little bit and then forget about us? Isn't it crazy that He cares so much for us that He will keep putting us in positions where we can choose to move forward, even though it is going to be crazy hard? He sees our potential and provides us with opportunities to achieve that potential. Instead of being content with where I was at in 2017, God prompted me to keep progressing! It was an answer to countless prayers that pushed me down the lawyer path and got me here, as a licensed attorney practicing law in the state of Idaho.

Even though none of it has come naturally or easily, I have seen myself progress. I have seen myself become something I would never have believed I could become. I have argued and won motions in court; I have won trials; I have negotiated cases; I have grown more and more confident in my ability to speak up and advocate not only for others but for myself! 

It is crazy to see how much potential God sees in us; He wants us to grow and move forward. It has been absolutely humbling to realize that God wants me to meet my full potential and is not afraid to take me down the hard paths in order to achieve it. I am for the millionth time reminded of the currant bush allegory shared by Elder Christofferson. 

There were sooo many times in the past 5 years where I "clenched my fists and shook them at heaven" and asked God "how could you do this to me?!" I have had to be humbled countless times as I'm reminded that God has a full picture of my future and is taking me down the paths that will get me to the best one, even though they are hard! He knows what we are capable of. In the middle of the trials or the hard times it can be very overwhelming or lonely - but, now that I can reflect back on the past several years, I see the growth. I see this little baby attorney that I have become and have so much hope for the growth that is still occurring and will occur in my future.

I am constantly in awe of what God is able to do with me - ME, the anxiety filled, people pleasing, basketball obsessed girl. He truly is a God of creation. I cannot wait to see what more He is able to create with my life.