Life Ended Up Here
"This isn't where I'm supposed to be."
This was a comment someone made during sacrament meeting today, and it made me stop and think for a minute.
"I was supposed to be a lawyer!"
"I was supposed to be married by now!"
"I was supposed to be traveling the world!"
"I was supposed to be in my dream job!"
"I was supposed to be a size 9 by now!"
"I was supposed to have 3 kids by now!"
"I was supposed to go on a mission!"
"I was supposed to move out of Salt Lake by now!"
These are all big things that I've said to the Lord over the past 10 years, along with countless other "supposed" to's. I was supposed to be successful, traveling the world, making a splash in the publishing world with a bestseller, married, with adorable children.... isn't that weird? Isn't that weird that I had my life all full of "supposed" to's and yet my life ended up here?
Life ended up here.
Here, in this wonderful, exciting world of quick weekend trips to Disneyland, late nights singing, weeks in Vegas, Celtics wins and losses (let's not talk about the losses), hair cuts, late night questions with roommates, being allergic to chocolate, and ice cream, and pizza, and chips.... this life. Where I present on projects at world wide conferences, and plan ward activities, and freak out about my hair, and find a passion in running, and work in the temple, and end up with 200 emails in my work email, and confidently drive through the snow, and flirt with men successfully, and, and, and. The list goes on and on of what I am currently doing here.
I've been busy trying to eat healthy and run and and lose these last 10 pounds! 10 pounds, you guys. I've kept my anxiety down this whole year. I've surrounded myself with the most amazing people. I've felt confident at work, and comfortable around my friends. I've traveled, and explored, and played and slept less, and partied more, and laughed greatly, and smiled broadly, and become this person. Me. I've become me.
I'm sorry I never have new updates - I mean, I do. I have so many! I have so many wonderful and exciting things happening in my life, and this has truly been the first time in years that I haven't been freaking out about the future, or the "what's next" or the "am I living up to my potential?" questions. I have surrounded myself with people who make me feel confident about myself; who remind me that I'm not strange or weird or crazy or loud or obnoxious or stupid or overbearing. They remind me how great I am, and how my quirky personality actually isn't a detriment to me. On the contrary, it's something that people love about me!
I've discovered so much about myself, but the biggest thing I've discovered is that God loves me. He knows me personally, and isn't trying to ruin my life. He has such wonderful adventures planned for me, if I can only remember to hold fast to Him and His commandments. If I can only remember to trust in Him, and His timing, and His love, and His understanding of all things. I'm so grateful that life didn't end up how it was "supposed" to. I'm so glad that life ended up as it is.
This was a comment someone made during sacrament meeting today, and it made me stop and think for a minute.
"I was supposed to be a lawyer!"
"I was supposed to be married by now!"
"I was supposed to be traveling the world!"
"I was supposed to be in my dream job!"
"I was supposed to be a size 9 by now!"
"I was supposed to have 3 kids by now!"
"I was supposed to go on a mission!"
"I was supposed to move out of Salt Lake by now!"
These are all big things that I've said to the Lord over the past 10 years, along with countless other "supposed" to's. I was supposed to be successful, traveling the world, making a splash in the publishing world with a bestseller, married, with adorable children.... isn't that weird? Isn't that weird that I had my life all full of "supposed" to's and yet my life ended up here?
Life ended up here.
Here, in this wonderful, exciting world of quick weekend trips to Disneyland, late nights singing, weeks in Vegas, Celtics wins and losses (let's not talk about the losses), hair cuts, late night questions with roommates, being allergic to chocolate, and ice cream, and pizza, and chips.... this life. Where I present on projects at world wide conferences, and plan ward activities, and freak out about my hair, and find a passion in running, and work in the temple, and end up with 200 emails in my work email, and confidently drive through the snow, and flirt with men successfully, and, and, and. The list goes on and on of what I am currently doing here.
I've been busy trying to eat healthy and run and and lose these last 10 pounds! 10 pounds, you guys. I've kept my anxiety down this whole year. I've surrounded myself with the most amazing people. I've felt confident at work, and comfortable around my friends. I've traveled, and explored, and played and slept less, and partied more, and laughed greatly, and smiled broadly, and become this person. Me. I've become me.
*New temple dress I finally broke down and bought. How many is too many?*
I'm sorry I never have new updates - I mean, I do. I have so many! I have so many wonderful and exciting things happening in my life, and this has truly been the first time in years that I haven't been freaking out about the future, or the "what's next" or the "am I living up to my potential?" questions. I have surrounded myself with people who make me feel confident about myself; who remind me that I'm not strange or weird or crazy or loud or obnoxious or stupid or overbearing. They remind me how great I am, and how my quirky personality actually isn't a detriment to me. On the contrary, it's something that people love about me!
I've discovered so much about myself, but the biggest thing I've discovered is that God loves me. He knows me personally, and isn't trying to ruin my life. He has such wonderful adventures planned for me, if I can only remember to hold fast to Him and His commandments. If I can only remember to trust in Him, and His timing, and His love, and His understanding of all things. I'm so grateful that life didn't end up how it was "supposed" to. I'm so glad that life ended up as it is.
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