I'm Keeping It Together

A year ago I started working in the temple. Doesn't it seem much too soon to already be a year? I absolutely love it. I love working in the temple. I love the blessings that have occurred, and the growth I have experienced. I am nowhere near perfection; in fact, the closer I grow to Christ, the more weaknesses I discover, and the more I realize just how extremely imperfect I am, and how much I desperately need Christ in my life. Mix that with my high anxiety, and you will discover most days I'm barely keeping it together.

But. 

I'm keeping it together. 

I think that's the biggest miracle in my life; that even with all my imperfections, and all my anxiety, and all my moments of stress, the Lord still loves me. He knows me perfectly. He has descended below all, and loves us perfectly. He sacrificed Himself so that we, even with all our imperfections and weaknesses, could be saved through His Atonement! 

That is why I love the temple. I was walking the halls of the temple the other day, being trained on something - I know, you'd think I'd know everything by now, but there are still things I've never done in the temple before! Surprise! Anyway, I was walking the halls, and this thought went through my mind that this is the Lord's house; and we get to walk these halls! We get to visit His home for a few hours every week, and help do His work! That is powerful. Christ loves us so much, He has allowed us to become a part of His work. He wants us to experience what it is like to serve those who cannot serve themselves. He wants us to know what it is like to experience the love of Christ. It's this powerful experience that allows us to grow, and to accept our mortal state for what it is - temporary. We are not forever stuck in these imperfect bodies, in this imperfect world, with other imperfect people. Isn't that the best news?? It's what makes life wonderful, and pushes us to be our best! Knowing that we are temporarily separated from our Father in Heaven, and that when we return, Christ has provided a way for us to not only return, but become just like God! 

Since I went through the temple two and a half years ago, I have had the opportunity to do work in 22 temples. This year has been a busy one, but I still made the effort to visit as many temples as possible. You've seen my posts about my temple tour adventures. I've been all over! It has been a blast, and I have loved the people that have taken the time to go with me/invite me to go with them. Here's a year in the life, Cassandra's temple tour edition:

Traveling all over Utah; traversing the freezing cold of Palmyra; celebrating my anniversary in Mesa; almost eloping to Vegas; being with my sister in Boise; finding peace in my home temple in Albuquerque; it has been quite an adventurous year. 

Of course, it is in my temple, the Salt Lake temple, where my fears and heartaches and anxiety and worst days are laid before the Lord the most and I find the peace and comfort that so often is promised us, but outside the temple seems so beyond reach. It's during those moments; the ones where I'm overwhelmed with life, and can't stop my anxiety from pushing me over the edge, that I go to the temple, sure I will never feel normal again, and then.......... that's when life is put back into its proper place. That's when I scrape off all the anxiety from my brain and see life for what it clearly is - temporary. We're not permanently meant to suffer and stress over our fallen state; in fact, we're not even supposed to dwell on it now that we're here! 

As I'm reflecting back on this year, looking at all I've done or not done, and all the adventures and the friends I've met, I've been reminded of how much Christ cares about me. Sure, life has been hard, and my imperfections are blaring in everyone's faces....but... Christ loves me. That's something that I cannot deny, no matter how hard life has become. 

At this time of year, don't look back at the hardships that the year has brought on with disappointment; look to those tender mercies you've received daily. Don't dwell on your mental/ physical illnesses, or your failures; remember the prayers that were answered. Ponder on the moments when the Spirit testified of the truthfulness of the Gospel. Find more time to have those peaceful moments where you are not overrun with social media and the stress of life. Find joy in serving, and lifting others! And, from my family to yours, have a very Merry Christmas!