Every Uncertain Turn
Where is my mind right now, you ask? In a million boxes, as I'm preparing, once again, to move. Yes, my parents planted the moving bug in me at a young age, and I just can't seem to sit still for too long. So, here I am, packing away, hoping that's it's two weeks from now, so that I can officially move into my new place, with my amazing friends/future roommates.
As I'm preparing again to start fresh with semi-new roommates, and a semi-new environment, I can't help but look back at my life and joyfully thank the Lord that I have been directed down this path. My little sister just graduated from college and moved down here to start her internship, and it has reminded me of where I was, five years ago, newly moved to Salt Lake, unsure of what I wanted to do, where to turn, and just completely lost. I had no direction, and no idea of what I wanted to become.
And yet, every uncertain turn ... every stressed out prayer .... every feeling of inadequacy .... every late night talk with friends/roommates/family .... every tearful meeting with the four Bishop's I've had since moving here .... every ice cream coated chick flick movie marathon with friends ....every anxiety filled day at work .... every cry to understand my fathers health issues .... they have led me here.
Here.
Right Now.
They have led me to the person I am today.
How could I look back at the past 5 years of my life with anything other than gratitude? Every trial has helped me grow stronger, and face the future with optimism and a realistic view. Every bad date has led me closer to that boy. Every hard day at work has made me more determined to be better. Every broken friendship has pulled me to the best of friends. Every attempt at flirting with cute boys has led to hours of laughter. Every hour of stress over learning the IT world has led to my mind being molded in a way I would have never thought possible.
Last week was tri-stake temple night. We hold a YSA tri-stake temple night every month at the Salt Lake temple, where we keep the temple open late for the YSA's, and host a chapel session beforehand, where everyone with a recommend can gather and listen to the stake and temple presidency encourage us. It is an extra shift on top of our normal temple shift, and I love it. It's one of my favorite nights of the month, because of how unifying it is to look out into the chapel and see a sea of young single adults who are all trying. Yes, we're not perfect, but we're trying. That's what matters, right? "With the gift of the Atonement of Jesus Christ and the strength of heaven to help us, we can improve, and the great thing about the gospel is we get credit for trying, even if we don’t always succeed."
Last week I was assigned in the baptistry for the first half hour of my shift. We just have to escort anyone from the baptistry to the cafeteria for treats after they are finished doing the work on that side. A few months ago I volunteered to clean the temple, and was assigned the baptistry as well. It had been years since I'd been in that part of the temple, and it brought back so many memories. Last week brought back even more memories, as there were actually people in there, doing the work at that time. I was reminded of little 22-year old Cassandra, deciding to make the temple a weekly event, and doing baptisms every Thursday night. As I looked at these young adults, (and young teens, since there were still ward groups there when we got there), I couldn't help but think about how that one decision went on to shape my life in the direction it has gone.
From my lack of direction, to my overcoming trust issues, to dealing with high anxiety, to moving, to deciding on a career.... the temple has been there for me. It has been my home - it has helped in my battle against homesickness. It has brought peace in my life. It has brought an eternal perspective in decision making. It has set a high bar for men (do you know attractive it is when I see a guy in the temple? I mean, more than once? I mean, they're there often, doing the work? Yeah. That's pretty attractive). It has allowed me to more fully understand my role as a woman. It has allowed me to more fully comprehend our role on earth, in mortality. It has taught me how much God loves me.
It was so inspiring to see these YSA's, doing baptisms, knowing that someday they would take that next step, and understand more the plan that God has for them. I just love that. I love knowing we're so important to our Heavenly Father that He has allowed us these growing opportunities. We're given time to grow and progress individually, and then, when we're ready, we're given more. We're allowed a glimpse of our future, in the most selfless way - by doing work for those who literally cannot do it themselves. I love it.
I love that I can look back and see so much change come about because of one small decision. It was not an overnight thing by any means. It was years of chipping away at my being and trying to bring out the very best in me - which was painful, and yet, without it, I would not be where I am today. I would not be me.
I know this song is a love song, but I love this line:
I think this is how the Lord looks at us. He gets that we struggle with our worth. We feel like our lack of faith is holding us back. And yet, He knows that we can start over - He sees the desires of our hearts. It's okay to not be perfect. We get credit for trying, remember?
I love looking back and remembering where I came from to get to where I am. It's been a hard road, and yet it's been such a fun road, filled with blessings as small as cookies, and as big as performing in the Conference Center. I love it.
Well, it's back to packing for me. I'm so excited for this next adventure. I'm so excited to see what the Lord has planned next.
As I'm preparing again to start fresh with semi-new roommates, and a semi-new environment, I can't help but look back at my life and joyfully thank the Lord that I have been directed down this path. My little sister just graduated from college and moved down here to start her internship, and it has reminded me of where I was, five years ago, newly moved to Salt Lake, unsure of what I wanted to do, where to turn, and just completely lost. I had no direction, and no idea of what I wanted to become.
And yet, every uncertain turn ... every stressed out prayer .... every feeling of inadequacy .... every late night talk with friends/roommates/family .... every tearful meeting with the four Bishop's I've had since moving here .... every ice cream coated chick flick movie marathon with friends ....every anxiety filled day at work .... every cry to understand my fathers health issues .... they have led me here.
Here.
Right Now.
They have led me to the person I am today.
How could I look back at the past 5 years of my life with anything other than gratitude? Every trial has helped me grow stronger, and face the future with optimism and a realistic view. Every bad date has led me closer to that boy. Every hard day at work has made me more determined to be better. Every broken friendship has pulled me to the best of friends. Every attempt at flirting with cute boys has led to hours of laughter. Every hour of stress over learning the IT world has led to my mind being molded in a way I would have never thought possible.
Last week was tri-stake temple night. We hold a YSA tri-stake temple night every month at the Salt Lake temple, where we keep the temple open late for the YSA's, and host a chapel session beforehand, where everyone with a recommend can gather and listen to the stake and temple presidency encourage us. It is an extra shift on top of our normal temple shift, and I love it. It's one of my favorite nights of the month, because of how unifying it is to look out into the chapel and see a sea of young single adults who are all trying. Yes, we're not perfect, but we're trying. That's what matters, right? "With the gift of the Atonement of Jesus Christ and the strength of heaven to help us, we can improve, and the great thing about the gospel is we get credit for trying, even if we don’t always succeed."
Last week I was assigned in the baptistry for the first half hour of my shift. We just have to escort anyone from the baptistry to the cafeteria for treats after they are finished doing the work on that side. A few months ago I volunteered to clean the temple, and was assigned the baptistry as well. It had been years since I'd been in that part of the temple, and it brought back so many memories. Last week brought back even more memories, as there were actually people in there, doing the work at that time. I was reminded of little 22-year old Cassandra, deciding to make the temple a weekly event, and doing baptisms every Thursday night. As I looked at these young adults, (and young teens, since there were still ward groups there when we got there), I couldn't help but think about how that one decision went on to shape my life in the direction it has gone.
From my lack of direction, to my overcoming trust issues, to dealing with high anxiety, to moving, to deciding on a career.... the temple has been there for me. It has been my home - it has helped in my battle against homesickness. It has brought peace in my life. It has brought an eternal perspective in decision making. It has set a high bar for men (do you know attractive it is when I see a guy in the temple? I mean, more than once? I mean, they're there often, doing the work? Yeah. That's pretty attractive). It has allowed me to more fully understand my role as a woman. It has allowed me to more fully comprehend our role on earth, in mortality. It has taught me how much God loves me.
It was so inspiring to see these YSA's, doing baptisms, knowing that someday they would take that next step, and understand more the plan that God has for them. I just love that. I love knowing we're so important to our Heavenly Father that He has allowed us these growing opportunities. We're given time to grow and progress individually, and then, when we're ready, we're given more. We're allowed a glimpse of our future, in the most selfless way - by doing work for those who literally cannot do it themselves. I love it.
I love that I can look back and see so much change come about because of one small decision. It was not an overnight thing by any means. It was years of chipping away at my being and trying to bring out the very best in me - which was painful, and yet, without it, I would not be where I am today. I would not be me.
I know this song is a love song, but I love this line:
I know that there are timesWhere you feel worthlessLike all the love you getYou don't deserve itSometimes I feel my faith is just a burdenOn you, you, youI believe in starting overI can see that your heart is true
I love looking back and remembering where I came from to get to where I am. It's been a hard road, and yet it's been such a fun road, filled with blessings as small as cookies, and as big as performing in the Conference Center. I love it.
Well, it's back to packing for me. I'm so excited for this next adventure. I'm so excited to see what the Lord has planned next.
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