I Am Better Than My Weaknesses
I had the wonderful opportunity to attend a fireside with Kenneth Cope this past weekend. It was the institute opening fireside, and the institute choir got to sing the prelude music, and then sat in the front row seats, so I had a great spot to get to listen to his testimony.
The lesson was a reminder that we are God's family - meaning, that we are already God's. We are not what mortality makes us out to be - our broken, disease prone bodies, with finite abilities in what we can do. We are not our best here. Oh, I know, you're all thinking, "But what about the Olympics?! Pretty sure Michael Phelps just proved what being the best is!" Oh, no. That ability is not even close to what we can become... what we really are. We are currently "dumbed-down" versions of ourselves, waiting to be reunited with God again someday, where we can truly become what we are not only meant to be, but who we truly are.
Ok, this is not new doctrine. Of course we know this from the Plan of Salvation. I've been singing "I Am A Child of God" since before I could talk! We are taught this concept our whole lives in the Church; it was not a shock to hear this.
The shock came when I realized how much I have let Satan into my life, placing doubt into my greatness. The shock came when I felt the Spirit testifying to me that I really am a daughter of God, greater than what mortality has labeled me, and it was so reassuring. It was like my Spirit was shouting for joy, breaking free from the horrible words Satan has worked so hard to plant in my mind so diligently over the past year.
Of course, Satan has always been planting self doubt, and thoughts of inadequacy in my mind; this isn't new. But, this past year he has turned up the vicious knob with a vengeance. I think he saw me coming back, moving on from the abuse, and knew he would lose me if I got over my trust issues, and gained my confidence back, so he attacked in a way that he knew would halt me in my course back to breathing freely again. He attacked my divine nature. All of a sudden, all of my flaws became giant stumbling blocks, and those would never allow me to progress, or become a better person. This last year felt like I was walking through a giant tub of molasses, sinking occasionally, and not able to get out. It was horrible.
It was so easy to believe. It was so easy to see all my weaknesses, and think, yeah ... I am kind of a terrible person. I was talking to my roommate about this recently. We both have high anxiety problems, and it's interesting to see how that impacts the way we view ourselves. I find that when my anxiety is really high, and is causing me to be irrational, I come out of that feeling like a complete failure. Why can't I control my anxiety more? Why does that seem to control the way I react to life? I know I need to calm down; why does everything seem beyond my control when my anxiety kicks in? I feel as if I've failed to use my agency to control my emotions, and fall into a pit of inadequacy and failure that gets harder to crawl out of every time I go in. And then it takes countless conference talks, weekly visits to the temple, daily continuous prayer, church attendance, great friends, and daily scripture study to remind myself that I am better than my weaknesses.
"And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them" (Ether 12:27).
We're supposed to have weaknesses. Having mortal weaknesses does not make us bad people; they make us draw closer to Christ! And that's a good thing! From our weaknesses, Christ is able to make us strong. That's part of the plan.
So, why is it so easy to let Satan make us feel like complete failures when our weaknesses are what make us human? They're part of the reason we're here; to experience opposition in all things. We cannot grow if we are perfect at everything; that would defeat the purpose of the atonement. And we know we came here to get a body and be tested. What kind of test would it be if there was no possible wrong answer situation?
This lesson was such a great reminder to me that, yes, life is hard, and yes, we have weaknesses that we will probably struggle with our whole lives.... but.... guess what? We are children of God, and He loves us.
No.
I don't think you understand.
He LOVES us.
God loves us so much that He allowed us to leave Him for a short while so that we could come down here, gain experience and a body, return to Him, and take our place at His side..... exactly like Him. With all the power and promise and love that He has. He knows our divine nature - we're His children - and He knew we couldn't reach our full potential without coming down here to Earth. He provided Christ to atone for us, because He knew we would fail on our own. He knew we would mess up. He knew we would struggle with our mortal bodies - with the choices that would come through using them, and the imperfections that they brought into our lives. And yet ... He loves us so much that He allowed us to come down and go through the pain of dealing with depression, losing a loved one, breaking a leg, losing a job, exhaustion, being diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis, feeling lonely, having high anxiety, and so many more mortal pains and imperfections, all so we could become exactly who we are supposed to be - Gods, just like Him.
Gosh... isn't that powerful? Doesn't that bring so much perspective into ones life? Isn't there so much hope and happiness in knowing that this life isn't the grand end all chapter of our life? This life is like ... the college portion of our eternal lives. We have to leave home, and go be educated in a far away, strange land, while learning a million new lessons, while also trying to get along with our roommates and neighbors, all so we can become something more than what we were. And, once we graduate, we get to return home to our parents who have loved us and supported us the whole way. Who prayed for us daily, and cried when we cried. Who cheered us on when we passed a test, and comforted us when we failed. Who sent tender mercies that pushed us through. Yes. We get to return to our Heavenly Parents who have loved us more than anyone has ever loved anyone. That is the hope that I hold onto. That's what makes this life, with all it's heartbreak, and feelings of inadequacy, and daily attacks from Satan worth it. Knowing that we are more than what this life makes us out to be. We are Gods children, and He has a bigger plan for us than just this life. He knows who we are, and who we are supposed to become. Why would we settle for less?
The lesson was a reminder that we are God's family - meaning, that we are already God's. We are not what mortality makes us out to be - our broken, disease prone bodies, with finite abilities in what we can do. We are not our best here. Oh, I know, you're all thinking, "But what about the Olympics?! Pretty sure Michael Phelps just proved what being the best is!" Oh, no. That ability is not even close to what we can become... what we really are. We are currently "dumbed-down" versions of ourselves, waiting to be reunited with God again someday, where we can truly become what we are not only meant to be, but who we truly are.
Ok, this is not new doctrine. Of course we know this from the Plan of Salvation. I've been singing "I Am A Child of God" since before I could talk! We are taught this concept our whole lives in the Church; it was not a shock to hear this.
The shock came when I realized how much I have let Satan into my life, placing doubt into my greatness. The shock came when I felt the Spirit testifying to me that I really am a daughter of God, greater than what mortality has labeled me, and it was so reassuring. It was like my Spirit was shouting for joy, breaking free from the horrible words Satan has worked so hard to plant in my mind so diligently over the past year.
Of course, Satan has always been planting self doubt, and thoughts of inadequacy in my mind; this isn't new. But, this past year he has turned up the vicious knob with a vengeance. I think he saw me coming back, moving on from the abuse, and knew he would lose me if I got over my trust issues, and gained my confidence back, so he attacked in a way that he knew would halt me in my course back to breathing freely again. He attacked my divine nature. All of a sudden, all of my flaws became giant stumbling blocks, and those would never allow me to progress, or become a better person. This last year felt like I was walking through a giant tub of molasses, sinking occasionally, and not able to get out. It was horrible.
It was so easy to believe. It was so easy to see all my weaknesses, and think, yeah ... I am kind of a terrible person. I was talking to my roommate about this recently. We both have high anxiety problems, and it's interesting to see how that impacts the way we view ourselves. I find that when my anxiety is really high, and is causing me to be irrational, I come out of that feeling like a complete failure. Why can't I control my anxiety more? Why does that seem to control the way I react to life? I know I need to calm down; why does everything seem beyond my control when my anxiety kicks in? I feel as if I've failed to use my agency to control my emotions, and fall into a pit of inadequacy and failure that gets harder to crawl out of every time I go in. And then it takes countless conference talks, weekly visits to the temple, daily continuous prayer, church attendance, great friends, and daily scripture study to remind myself that I am better than my weaknesses.
"And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them" (Ether 12:27).
We're supposed to have weaknesses. Having mortal weaknesses does not make us bad people; they make us draw closer to Christ! And that's a good thing! From our weaknesses, Christ is able to make us strong. That's part of the plan.
So, why is it so easy to let Satan make us feel like complete failures when our weaknesses are what make us human? They're part of the reason we're here; to experience opposition in all things. We cannot grow if we are perfect at everything; that would defeat the purpose of the atonement. And we know we came here to get a body and be tested. What kind of test would it be if there was no possible wrong answer situation?
This lesson was such a great reminder to me that, yes, life is hard, and yes, we have weaknesses that we will probably struggle with our whole lives.... but.... guess what? We are children of God, and He loves us.
No.
I don't think you understand.
He LOVES us.
God loves us so much that He allowed us to leave Him for a short while so that we could come down here, gain experience and a body, return to Him, and take our place at His side..... exactly like Him. With all the power and promise and love that He has. He knows our divine nature - we're His children - and He knew we couldn't reach our full potential without coming down here to Earth. He provided Christ to atone for us, because He knew we would fail on our own. He knew we would mess up. He knew we would struggle with our mortal bodies - with the choices that would come through using them, and the imperfections that they brought into our lives. And yet ... He loves us so much that He allowed us to come down and go through the pain of dealing with depression, losing a loved one, breaking a leg, losing a job, exhaustion, being diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis, feeling lonely, having high anxiety, and so many more mortal pains and imperfections, all so we could become exactly who we are supposed to be - Gods, just like Him.
Gosh... isn't that powerful? Doesn't that bring so much perspective into ones life? Isn't there so much hope and happiness in knowing that this life isn't the grand end all chapter of our life? This life is like ... the college portion of our eternal lives. We have to leave home, and go be educated in a far away, strange land, while learning a million new lessons, while also trying to get along with our roommates and neighbors, all so we can become something more than what we were. And, once we graduate, we get to return home to our parents who have loved us and supported us the whole way. Who prayed for us daily, and cried when we cried. Who cheered us on when we passed a test, and comforted us when we failed. Who sent tender mercies that pushed us through. Yes. We get to return to our Heavenly Parents who have loved us more than anyone has ever loved anyone. That is the hope that I hold onto. That's what makes this life, with all it's heartbreak, and feelings of inadequacy, and daily attacks from Satan worth it. Knowing that we are more than what this life makes us out to be. We are Gods children, and He has a bigger plan for us than just this life. He knows who we are, and who we are supposed to become. Why would we settle for less?
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