This is My Fight Song
The trumpet did not come easily to me. I know, shocker, right? I didn't take private lessons, and I didn't start playing when I was in 4th grade. I started in 6th grade, and by 8th grade hadn't really progressed much. Obviously I could play the music, and I practiced here and there, but I didn't really devote a lot of time and energy to becoming great. In fact, it was the furthest thing from my mind. I liked being part of the rest of the band, not having to try too hard, but still having fun. It was easy.
That all changed in 8th grade. My band teacher, Mr. Dubbs, one of the most influential men in my life, had me in playing an audition piece. I sucked, and I knew it, and he knew it, and I said it.... and he looked at me and said, "Cassandra, don't ever go into an audition again and say you suck. Always go in and give it your best." Then he told me that my tone really did suck, and that if I wanted to be a good trumpet player I needed to put more effort into it. He gave me a few techniques, then dismissed me. I left the audition room almost in tears. I couldn't believe it. I mean, I knew I wasn't the next Dizzy Gillespie, but I also didn't think I was that bad. I was just the same as the other people in the band room. I was mediocre. I mean, we were in 8th grade! No one was that good!
I went home, determined to prove Mr. Dubbs wrong, and show that I could be amazing. I doubled my practice time, and added actual practicing techniques to my practice time, instead of just running through the music. I practiced breathing, rhythms, warm ups, scales, and my beloved buzzing. Here's a tip to all you brass players out there - the instrument is just a hunk of metal, as one of my college band professors would always say. The real part of playing a brass instrument is in the mouthpiece. If you can buzz it, you can play it. I know, weird, right? But true. I started buzzing for 15 minutes every day, except Sunday's. I added carrots, which made me hate carrots for years - I still struggle eating them. I then added my daily scripture study to that practice time. For those of you who attended my high school seminary graduation, you know how much I relate my success on the trumpet to those 15 minutes every day I buzzed and read my scriptures together. I know when we pair the scriptures with important things in our life, we will be blessed.
Strength: Taking criticism great, and doing something about it.
By the end of my 8th grade year I was given the award of most outstanding brass player, became 1st chair the next year, was ranked in the top ten in the state my last two years of high school, was 1st in the school, 1st in the district, section leader in marching band, performed various solos, had money offers coming my way when I was ready to go to college.... I mean, my whole life changed because I was told I wasn't good at something, and I was determined to prove them wrong! The trumpet did not come easy. I threatened to quit a billion times as the years went on. I was tired of trying at something that wasn't easy, and yet, I was determined to prove that I could. And it paid off in the end. (Side note: can I point out that Mr. Dubbs is one of my absolute favorite people. He and I were great friends throughout the rest of my high school career, and I adore him to this day. Don't think bad of him! He's great! He also always denies telling me I had bad tone, but he did. Trust me.)
Strength: Never settling for mediocrity.
The experience helped me realize how driven I am, and how I don't like being mediocre at things. I know, going into anything, that I'm going to give it 100% and not settle for second best, because I've been there, at the top of my game, and seen how if I push hard enough, even at things I'm not good at, I can be amazing.
Strength: Determination to be the best at everything.
We started a professional development seminar in my office this past week. I was super intimidated, as I'm the youngest assistant registrar in the office, as well as the newest, so I wasn't sure where I fit in exactly. Most of the other assistant's have been there for years, and have been working on their professional life for years, and then there's little me, just about to come up on my one year anniversary of being an assistant, and really evaluating what I have accomplished in the past year, and what I want to accomplish in the next one. That's scary crazy to me! And as I'm sitting here, trying to figure out what is in store over the next year, they are talking about helping us figure out our master's degrees, and growing, and progressing professionally, and how this would be a 13 month program... 13 months? As we're sitting there, watching a video on focusing on our strengths to overcome our weaknesses, I'm feeling lost. I mean, I'm an IT Specialist. Me. The girl who loves reading and music and has been against technology most of her life.... I'm supposed to go into the weakest part of my life and use my strengths to excel at that. WHAT?!?!?!? How?!?!?! Am I the only one who thinks that's a little crazy? Yes? Ok... well, I think it is. And me, being me, said it. Tim, the Registrar, proceeded to say, "Cassandra, you are the poster child for this seminar. You have no background in technology, and yet look at what you have accomplished in the last year!"
I proceeded to sit there, shocked. And then they talked about how we would be discovering our strengths over the next year, and how those can help us overcome our weaknesses.... and I all of a sudden I saw life differently. I wasn't just that nerdy, bubbly 25 year old girl who had somehow managed to get in good favor with the most important people in the office - I was someone who had strengths and used those to be the best. That was such an "a-ha!" moment for me! To realize how I had gotten to where I was.... I always seem to be shocked when I discover things about myself that are so obvious to other people, such as being a perfectionist, or being OCD, or being hardworking and driven.... why is it so hard to see my strengths? I'm so good at pointing out my weaknesses... too good, most days. And yet, I seem to forget my strengths, because I'm so focused trying to overcome my weaknesses. I tend to think that my strengths will just sit there while I focus on overcoming my weaknesses, instead of trying to use my strengths to better my weaknesses. I have been doing that in this position without even realizing it! As soon as I realized I didn't need to try to re-wire my brain to understand technology, I started looking at my job differently. It really has made me think about what I can accomplish by focusing on my strengths, and all of a sudden I saw my future and it looked bright. It looked awesome.
Strength: I am driven.
This past week we had a meeting with Mary Parker - she's Tim's boss. You know that Student Data Warehouse project I've written a lot about? Well, that project came from her office, so we went to report our progress to date. I'm not sure why I was invited - it's usually just Tim and Tom (Tom is the head of our BI team... they're the ones who actually coded the SDW tool), so when I was invited it kind of freaked me out. Not going to lie, Tim intimidates me, so having him and Mary in the room with my boss, Andrea, and Tom just seemed like nerve overload. As we're sitting there, talking about how much we have accomplished, and turning to me, saying how much work I've put into this project... ok, I'm going to sound prideful for a second here, but I've worked my butt off on this project, and it was so cool to see it all laid out for the heads of the team to see and realize all I've done. I'm not going to go into too much detail, but I love this project and all I've been able to do with it. Anyway, it was brought up in the meeting about how we should look into getting someone into my position who has a technical background so that we don't fall behind.... and in that moment I was like, "whoa, what? I'm rocking this. Why would you say that like I'm falling behind?" I was thrown off. I again was in that situation where I thought I was doing good, and then someone swooped in and told me I needed to step it up. (Ok, this is the super watered down version of that meeting, and really most of it was about how great the project was, and the people that really mattered are super pleased with my work, so it's not like my boss was complaining.) And in that moment, this 8th grade trumpet audition experience popped into my head, and I realized something about myself:
Strength: I never give up.
Strength: I work best when the odds are not in my favor.
Strength: I like a challenge.
Reader, I'm not sure if I'm conveying all my thoughts in the way I want to. My brain goes a billion miles a second, which makes it hard to put all my thoughts into words, which really frustrates me, because I LOVE writing! What I'm trying to say, is that something big is coming. I'm not going to get comfortable in this position; I'm going to show that I can do this. I have been thinking a lot about this past year, as I'm coming up on my one year anniversary of going through the temple, one year anniversary in this position, 4 year anniversary of graduating from college... I mean, so many anniversaries are coming up, and I love looking back and seeing how much I have grown in those years, and knowing that a year from now I'll have grown even more, and progressed even more. This is my fight song - I am not backing down. I am going to prove that I can do whatever I set my mind to. I've still got a lot of fight left in me.
I went home, determined to prove Mr. Dubbs wrong, and show that I could be amazing. I doubled my practice time, and added actual practicing techniques to my practice time, instead of just running through the music. I practiced breathing, rhythms, warm ups, scales, and my beloved buzzing. Here's a tip to all you brass players out there - the instrument is just a hunk of metal, as one of my college band professors would always say. The real part of playing a brass instrument is in the mouthpiece. If you can buzz it, you can play it. I know, weird, right? But true. I started buzzing for 15 minutes every day, except Sunday's. I added carrots, which made me hate carrots for years - I still struggle eating them. I then added my daily scripture study to that practice time. For those of you who attended my high school seminary graduation, you know how much I relate my success on the trumpet to those 15 minutes every day I buzzed and read my scriptures together. I know when we pair the scriptures with important things in our life, we will be blessed.
Strength: Taking criticism great, and doing something about it.
By the end of my 8th grade year I was given the award of most outstanding brass player, became 1st chair the next year, was ranked in the top ten in the state my last two years of high school, was 1st in the school, 1st in the district, section leader in marching band, performed various solos, had money offers coming my way when I was ready to go to college.... I mean, my whole life changed because I was told I wasn't good at something, and I was determined to prove them wrong! The trumpet did not come easy. I threatened to quit a billion times as the years went on. I was tired of trying at something that wasn't easy, and yet, I was determined to prove that I could. And it paid off in the end. (Side note: can I point out that Mr. Dubbs is one of my absolute favorite people. He and I were great friends throughout the rest of my high school career, and I adore him to this day. Don't think bad of him! He's great! He also always denies telling me I had bad tone, but he did. Trust me.)
Strength: Never settling for mediocrity.
The experience helped me realize how driven I am, and how I don't like being mediocre at things. I know, going into anything, that I'm going to give it 100% and not settle for second best, because I've been there, at the top of my game, and seen how if I push hard enough, even at things I'm not good at, I can be amazing.
Strength: Determination to be the best at everything.
We started a professional development seminar in my office this past week. I was super intimidated, as I'm the youngest assistant registrar in the office, as well as the newest, so I wasn't sure where I fit in exactly. Most of the other assistant's have been there for years, and have been working on their professional life for years, and then there's little me, just about to come up on my one year anniversary of being an assistant, and really evaluating what I have accomplished in the past year, and what I want to accomplish in the next one. That's scary crazy to me! And as I'm sitting here, trying to figure out what is in store over the next year, they are talking about helping us figure out our master's degrees, and growing, and progressing professionally, and how this would be a 13 month program... 13 months? As we're sitting there, watching a video on focusing on our strengths to overcome our weaknesses, I'm feeling lost. I mean, I'm an IT Specialist. Me. The girl who loves reading and music and has been against technology most of her life.... I'm supposed to go into the weakest part of my life and use my strengths to excel at that. WHAT?!?!?!? How?!?!?! Am I the only one who thinks that's a little crazy? Yes? Ok... well, I think it is. And me, being me, said it. Tim, the Registrar, proceeded to say, "Cassandra, you are the poster child for this seminar. You have no background in technology, and yet look at what you have accomplished in the last year!"
I proceeded to sit there, shocked. And then they talked about how we would be discovering our strengths over the next year, and how those can help us overcome our weaknesses.... and I all of a sudden I saw life differently. I wasn't just that nerdy, bubbly 25 year old girl who had somehow managed to get in good favor with the most important people in the office - I was someone who had strengths and used those to be the best. That was such an "a-ha!" moment for me! To realize how I had gotten to where I was.... I always seem to be shocked when I discover things about myself that are so obvious to other people, such as being a perfectionist, or being OCD, or being hardworking and driven.... why is it so hard to see my strengths? I'm so good at pointing out my weaknesses... too good, most days. And yet, I seem to forget my strengths, because I'm so focused trying to overcome my weaknesses. I tend to think that my strengths will just sit there while I focus on overcoming my weaknesses, instead of trying to use my strengths to better my weaknesses. I have been doing that in this position without even realizing it! As soon as I realized I didn't need to try to re-wire my brain to understand technology, I started looking at my job differently. It really has made me think about what I can accomplish by focusing on my strengths, and all of a sudden I saw my future and it looked bright. It looked awesome.
Strength: I am driven.
This past week we had a meeting with Mary Parker - she's Tim's boss. You know that Student Data Warehouse project I've written a lot about? Well, that project came from her office, so we went to report our progress to date. I'm not sure why I was invited - it's usually just Tim and Tom (Tom is the head of our BI team... they're the ones who actually coded the SDW tool), so when I was invited it kind of freaked me out. Not going to lie, Tim intimidates me, so having him and Mary in the room with my boss, Andrea, and Tom just seemed like nerve overload. As we're sitting there, talking about how much we have accomplished, and turning to me, saying how much work I've put into this project... ok, I'm going to sound prideful for a second here, but I've worked my butt off on this project, and it was so cool to see it all laid out for the heads of the team to see and realize all I've done. I'm not going to go into too much detail, but I love this project and all I've been able to do with it. Anyway, it was brought up in the meeting about how we should look into getting someone into my position who has a technical background so that we don't fall behind.... and in that moment I was like, "whoa, what? I'm rocking this. Why would you say that like I'm falling behind?" I was thrown off. I again was in that situation where I thought I was doing good, and then someone swooped in and told me I needed to step it up. (Ok, this is the super watered down version of that meeting, and really most of it was about how great the project was, and the people that really mattered are super pleased with my work, so it's not like my boss was complaining.) And in that moment, this 8th grade trumpet audition experience popped into my head, and I realized something about myself:
Strength: I never give up.
Strength: I work best when the odds are not in my favor.
Strength: I like a challenge.
Reader, I'm not sure if I'm conveying all my thoughts in the way I want to. My brain goes a billion miles a second, which makes it hard to put all my thoughts into words, which really frustrates me, because I LOVE writing! What I'm trying to say, is that something big is coming. I'm not going to get comfortable in this position; I'm going to show that I can do this. I have been thinking a lot about this past year, as I'm coming up on my one year anniversary of going through the temple, one year anniversary in this position, 4 year anniversary of graduating from college... I mean, so many anniversaries are coming up, and I love looking back and seeing how much I have grown in those years, and knowing that a year from now I'll have grown even more, and progressed even more. This is my fight song - I am not backing down. I am going to prove that I can do whatever I set my mind to. I've still got a lot of fight left in me.
I just have to find those techniques that helped me succeed in all the other projects in my life. Whether that means devoting more time to my work, taking extra classes, not getting so distracted; it's happening. I'm dedicated and driven enough to be the best Assistant Registrar for Student Systems and Technology the U has ever seen. You watch and see. I aim to find joy in the journey, and I aim to do it being the best I can be.
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