As Much As I'm Missing What Was, I'm Loving What Is
I moved the end of February. You all remember that. I was super emotional and sad to say good-bye to the place I had called home for over three years, and the roommates who had become sisters to me. It was hard to say good-bye to my wonderful ward and Bishop, as well as the convenient ride to and from work on the bus that went right next to my house.
The move was hard. I was thrown into a new environment, which I hadn't been in in years! I had lived there since I graduated from college, had established myself there, and was used to the ward. My roommates could handle my weird moods, and they knew the history of my family, and my insecurities. I moved into an apartment complex, with two girls I knew nothing about, into a ward that didn't know anything about me, to a place that caused a longer commute to and from work, and was freaked out, to say the least. I struggled. Those first few weeks in my new place, I cried myself to sleep every night, so worried was I about whether I had made the right decision, and if this was really what I wanted. Did I really want to be here? Did I really want all the change that came about because of my decision to move?
As I struggled to make sense of this decision, I had a thought come to mind. I knew I had moved for a reason; I knew my decision to move so far was because of a prompting from the Spirit, and I knew that if I felt sorry for myself forever I'd never learn and grow into the person the Lord wanted to me to be. So, two weeks after I moved, I decided to start keeping a daily tender mercy journal.
Tender Mercies. You know, those moments in the day when you can see God's hand giving you a little nudge of encouragement? I was starting to spiral back down the dark hole I had just managed to claw my way out of (picture "The Dark Night Rises"... yeah, that hole...), and I could see myself slipping into it again, so I decided to hold on to those tender mercies to keep me from falling.
I decided to write a journal entry daily of just tender mercies I'd had throughout the day. I am an avid journal writer, so I already keep a good record of my life, but I wanted this journal to be specifically tender mercies, so I started a separate journal. It has changed my life. I now watch for those tender mercies throughout my day and instead of dwelling on the negative, or the hardships, I can really see the Lord's hand in all aspects of my life.
The title page of my tender mercy journal has a few words of encouragement, and then ends with this: "For those moments in life when you want to crawl under your desk and cry - Remember these tender mercies!"
Since it's November, and the month of gratitude, I thought it would be fun to share some of the tender mercies I've had to be thankful for this year. It's been a life changing year, as life always is, and, as much as I'm missing what was, I'm loving what is. Enjoy!
March 13th (First entry): Today I was reminded of how important I am in my office. Tim and Andrea both told me how great I was and that they didn't want to lose me. After such an overwhelming week, it was such a tender mercy to be praised - something I normally do not enjoy, but in that moment I was grateful for it.
April 15th: Finishing my taxes months ago. So grateful I didn't have to stress today.
May 10th: Having a wonderful mother. I wouldn't be anything without her.
June 14th: Getting to have my little brother, Richard, pass the sacrament. I'm so proud of the man he's become. So grateful he was willing to drop everything to hang out with me. So grateful for his willingness to go to the temple. Love my family.
June 25th: Running. I'm so grateful I've been able to wake up and go running! I just love it! I love how energized I feel after!
July 8th: Getting to talk to Jenni. I needed that. So grateful for her friendship.
July 5th: Having a glimpse of my future. I love my family, current and future. Also, snuggles with my nephew, Calvin. Henry saying "we're thankful for aunt Cassandra" in family prayer.
July 10th: Getting to attend Kandace's sealing!
July 11th: Running into Whitney and her boyfriend in the temple. I needed that! :)
July 25th: Making it to the 3PM session. It was such a great session. I needed that. I needed the reminder that there was no other way.
July 30th: My visiting teachers. They're so good to me.
August 3rd: Having friends who push me to be my best. Even on the hardest days.
August 8th: Barely making the 3PM session - and being told to be patient. Needed that.
August 15th: Everything about today was amazing! Getting to see the Keddington's and the Fassman's, the stake activity, and going to the temple and getting to talk to that boy. :P
August 20th: Campfire with friends from the ward. It's nice to feel included. It was good to hear their testimonies.
September 2nd: Not being super awkward on our date!
September 4th: Getting to go to the Boise temple with Richard. Also, publishing the class schedule.
September 12th: Being Racheal's friend, getting to talk to her about my life.
September 27th: I'm going to work in the temple!
October 4th: "When you cannot do what you have always done, then you only do what matters most." Conference was amazing.
October 6th: Driving safely. I know, I write that a lot, but I really need that daily.
October 9th: Running into Buddy! He's the best!
October 17th: Talking with Natalie. I love that girl.
October 18th: Talking with Lyndsay! I love her! So grateful for my friends, and the love they give me.
October 27th: Institute. Jacob 5:41-42, Malachi 3:13-18.
Most of my tender mercies come because of all my friends. I would share more, but I don't want to make this blog super long, so just know I love you all, and am grateful for your examples and love! I really do notice, and it really does impact my life, so thank you for being wonderful! I'm so grateful for the great people in my life, for the temple, for my family, and of course, for the Lord's tender mercies that are scattered throughout my life. Where would I be without them?
The move was hard. I was thrown into a new environment, which I hadn't been in in years! I had lived there since I graduated from college, had established myself there, and was used to the ward. My roommates could handle my weird moods, and they knew the history of my family, and my insecurities. I moved into an apartment complex, with two girls I knew nothing about, into a ward that didn't know anything about me, to a place that caused a longer commute to and from work, and was freaked out, to say the least. I struggled. Those first few weeks in my new place, I cried myself to sleep every night, so worried was I about whether I had made the right decision, and if this was really what I wanted. Did I really want to be here? Did I really want all the change that came about because of my decision to move?
As I struggled to make sense of this decision, I had a thought come to mind. I knew I had moved for a reason; I knew my decision to move so far was because of a prompting from the Spirit, and I knew that if I felt sorry for myself forever I'd never learn and grow into the person the Lord wanted to me to be. So, two weeks after I moved, I decided to start keeping a daily tender mercy journal.
Tender Mercies. You know, those moments in the day when you can see God's hand giving you a little nudge of encouragement? I was starting to spiral back down the dark hole I had just managed to claw my way out of (picture "The Dark Night Rises"... yeah, that hole...), and I could see myself slipping into it again, so I decided to hold on to those tender mercies to keep me from falling.
I decided to write a journal entry daily of just tender mercies I'd had throughout the day. I am an avid journal writer, so I already keep a good record of my life, but I wanted this journal to be specifically tender mercies, so I started a separate journal. It has changed my life. I now watch for those tender mercies throughout my day and instead of dwelling on the negative, or the hardships, I can really see the Lord's hand in all aspects of my life.
The title page of my tender mercy journal has a few words of encouragement, and then ends with this: "For those moments in life when you want to crawl under your desk and cry - Remember these tender mercies!"
Since it's November, and the month of gratitude, I thought it would be fun to share some of the tender mercies I've had to be thankful for this year. It's been a life changing year, as life always is, and, as much as I'm missing what was, I'm loving what is. Enjoy!
March 13th (First entry): Today I was reminded of how important I am in my office. Tim and Andrea both told me how great I was and that they didn't want to lose me. After such an overwhelming week, it was such a tender mercy to be praised - something I normally do not enjoy, but in that moment I was grateful for it.
April 15th: Finishing my taxes months ago. So grateful I didn't have to stress today.
May 10th: Having a wonderful mother. I wouldn't be anything without her.
June 14th: Getting to have my little brother, Richard, pass the sacrament. I'm so proud of the man he's become. So grateful he was willing to drop everything to hang out with me. So grateful for his willingness to go to the temple. Love my family.
June 25th: Running. I'm so grateful I've been able to wake up and go running! I just love it! I love how energized I feel after!
July 8th: Getting to talk to Jenni. I needed that. So grateful for her friendship.
July 5th: Having a glimpse of my future. I love my family, current and future. Also, snuggles with my nephew, Calvin. Henry saying "we're thankful for aunt Cassandra" in family prayer.
July 10th: Getting to attend Kandace's sealing!
July 11th: Running into Whitney and her boyfriend in the temple. I needed that! :)
July 25th: Making it to the 3PM session. It was such a great session. I needed that. I needed the reminder that there was no other way.
July 30th: My visiting teachers. They're so good to me.
August 3rd: Having friends who push me to be my best. Even on the hardest days.
August 8th: Barely making the 3PM session - and being told to be patient. Needed that.
August 15th: Everything about today was amazing! Getting to see the Keddington's and the Fassman's, the stake activity, and going to the temple and getting to talk to that boy. :P
August 20th: Campfire with friends from the ward. It's nice to feel included. It was good to hear their testimonies.
September 2nd: Not being super awkward on our date!
September 4th: Getting to go to the Boise temple with Richard. Also, publishing the class schedule.
September 12th: Being Racheal's friend, getting to talk to her about my life.
September 27th: I'm going to work in the temple!
October 4th: "When you cannot do what you have always done, then you only do what matters most." Conference was amazing.
October 6th: Driving safely. I know, I write that a lot, but I really need that daily.
October 9th: Running into Buddy! He's the best!
October 17th: Talking with Natalie. I love that girl.
October 18th: Talking with Lyndsay! I love her! So grateful for my friends, and the love they give me.
October 27th: Institute. Jacob 5:41-42, Malachi 3:13-18.
Most of my tender mercies come because of all my friends. I would share more, but I don't want to make this blog super long, so just know I love you all, and am grateful for your examples and love! I really do notice, and it really does impact my life, so thank you for being wonderful! I'm so grateful for the great people in my life, for the temple, for my family, and of course, for the Lord's tender mercies that are scattered throughout my life. Where would I be without them?
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