Thank You, Mr. Gardener, For Loving Me Enough to Cut Me Down

I've been watching a lot of The Office lately... oh, what a surprise Cassandra. Don't you do anything else besides obsess over The Office, a show that isn't even on anymore? Well, yes, I do, actually, which is why I've been watching The Office so much. Life has been really crazy. Work has been...... stressful, to say the least. The past few months saw many emails, proofs, and mistakes that I had to clean up at work, as well as my boss being gone a lot, leaving me in charge. It's been ridiculous. However, I didn't come on here to vent about work, so I won't. I've also been doing a lot of other things in all my spare time I have (I call it the 6pm-9pm shift, as that is the only time I'm not too exhausted to do anything). I'm taking Institute on Wednesday nights, I go to the temple on Thursdays, I have FHE on Monday night, and sleep on Friday. Yep. I know. I'm not even going to mention my weekend schedule, because it will exhaust me. Basically I'm fried. So, I've been watching the Office to relax. It's great. I find it even more hilarious the more I watch it. I also find that now that I know the whole story line, and where they end up, I can really start to see where the characters came from, and how they turned out to be who they are. I was watching this episode the other day and Michael Scott was saying something to Pam about how if they didn't have kids in ten years, they would have kids together, and she says no, and eventually she says yes at 30 years... it's hilarious really, and super awkward, because that is how Michael Scott is... but, it really got me thinking. Pam, at the time, is single, and in love with Jim, who is dating Karen, who is soo wrong for him. And it really looks sad. Like, the first time you watch that season it's so depressing, because the whole time you want the two of them to end up together, and you're just sitting there waiting for them to get together, unsure if or when it will happen. It's really sad. Seriously. And frustrating, because you know they should be together, and you know the writers are dragging it out on purpose, and you just want to yell at them, but you can't, because you know whatever happens you will keep watching, even if they get rid of your favorite character, or if someone marries the wrong person, because it's such a great show. You know it will all end up right, because the writers wouldn't break your heart (this is strictly for The Office. Grey's Anatomy breaks my heart every season. Is there anyone left to kill off on that show!?!?).

Anyways, I started thinking about my life a lot, lately, and where I'm at, and how I relate to the characters on the show. I keep thinking "Okay Heavenly Father, I think I've learned enough life lessons. I think I've become a pretty good person. When is it my turn to get married? When is it my turn to have children? How many more of my friends are going to have kids before I get to experience that? I want that. Is that really too much to ask?" Ok, maybe I don't say it like that, but that's kind of the basic idea.

I mean, I'm not complaining. I love my life. I think I have a really great single life going on. Seriously. I'm feeling really good about my life. But, that doesn't mean I don't want to get married and have kids- because I do. Like, I really do. What Mormon girl doesn't? Anyways, every time I start thinking that, I think of my mom. My mom got married when she was 26, then had 7 kids, has moved us all over, and was the best example in my life I could ask for. I'm surrounded by people who are older than me and single, and I think, well, I guess I'll complain when I'm 50... or never, since some people never marry. Great. I just have to grin and bear it, and watch all my friends progressing in a way I cannot. I know, I know, I have a great job, great roommates, great place to live, great ward, great Bishop, great family, I'm more financially stable then I've ever been... seriously... why can't I just see all the good and be happy with that?

It's taken me a long time to realize- hey, guess what, even though people have bigger problems than me, my problems still matter to Heavenly Father. He didn't send me down here to ignore me. He doesn't brush me off when I come to him for comfort or help because some people have harder trials. He's not like "Sorry Cassandra, your life is really great. You have to go it alone. I have other places to be, and worse off people to help." He would never say that. He loves me.

Anyways, all this pondering and contemplating on my life and why it's turning out the way it is reminded me of this Mormon Message:

It's one of my favorites. I tear up every time. 

I don't know why my life has ended up the way it has, but I do know God has a plan for all of us. He hasn't hung us out to dry, alone in a world of confusion and hardships. He's here, and he has a plan me, and for all of us, and whether that plan is for me to not get married for another 30 years, or to end up with the love of my life by next October, I know it is what is supposed to happen, and I know it's what's best. I know that when I put my trust in God, and His plan for me, I will get the best out of life that I possibly can, and at the end of my life I will think "Thank you, Mr. Gardener, for loving me enough to cut me down."